FAMILY FD UNIT 1 OBJECTIVES

Readings:

The Eternal Family Robert D Hales

(Eternal Marriage student manual, p.100)

The Family  Feb 1998 Ensign Henry B. Eyring was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when this fireside address was given at Brigham Young University on 5 November 1995. (Eternal Marriage student manual, p.104) 

Things As They Really Are by Elder Maxwell
King Follett Sermon by Joseph Smith

The objectives of this Unit are:

1. Learn the eternal realities pertaining to the Creator’s Plan of Salvation.
2. Understand how truth is knowledge of things “as they are, as they were, and as they are to come” (D&C 93:24) and how this reflects the nature of eternal laws “by which all things are governed” (D&C 88:13).
3. Prepare to teach and share how gospel covenants, commandments, blessings and opportunities are natural outgrowths of eternal truth, and point us to our destiny as God’s children.

Be able to problem-solve by employing eternal truths and the Plan of Salvation as taught in the Family Proclamation and the Scriptures
CASE STUDY: 

The Art of Case-Learning in Family Foundations

1.       Each of the cases you will grapple with in this course have been real-life situations that BYU-Idaho students have shared with their Professors.  The names have been changed of course, but the cases are true to life and are authentic to our current culture.  

2.       For a case to be successful, each learner needs to be less concerned about presenting “answers” and “solutions” than about identifying and understanding gospel principles and doctrines that are relevant to the situation.  The Spirit will teach and  testify most effectively when we are focused on true principles and doctrines versus when we seek to defend a personal position.

Jenny closed the email with mixed emotions. Her oldest sister Bethany has just announced to the family that she is pregnant.  While such news would ordinarily be joyous, Bethany is 38 years old and has never been married. Jenny has always believed in the importance of families, but she’s not completely sure how to feel about Bethany’s decision.

B A C K G R O U N D

Bethany has continually longed to be a mother. Considering that she is almost 20 years older than Jenny, Bethany has always seemed like a second mother to Jenny. Yet, marriage and motherhood never happened for her. Bethany worried that her opportunity to have children was slipping away along with her biological clock year after year.

Finally, in desperation, she had decided to become pregnant through a medical procedure using an anonymous donor. At last, she could be the mother she so wanted to be. Jenny knows her sister would make a great mother because Bethany has so much love to give.

As Bethany considered this option her parents counseled her against it.  However, Bethany believes she hasn’t broken the law of chastity because she hasn’t engaged in any immoral behavior.

Jenny is struggling with her feelings. On one hand, the teachings of the Church and her own gut instincts clearly conflict with Bethany’s decision. However, her sister is such a great person and full of love that she would be a blessing to any child and would raise them to be active in the Church.  Bethany’s logic makes sense on one hand, and Jenny finds is hard to think that her sister is being “wicked.”

T H E C H A L L E N G E 

Jenny has an assignment to talk in Sacrament meeting as part of the Mother’s Day program.  The Bishop has specifically asked Jenny to talk about the Plan of Salvation as it relates to families. As Jenny begins preparing her talk, consider the following questions on her mind:

1.      Why exactly does the Lord care about how children come into the world?

2.      Why does it matter so much that each child have a mother and a father who are married – especially when so many don’t have that “traditional” family today?

3.      There is a possibility that Bethany will be attending this meeting, should Jenny have two versions of her talk?  If so, how would they be different?

Your answers must be documented/supported by scripture, teachings of the Prophets, and/or the Proclamation.

POSTED ANSWER:

While Bethany may cause Jenny much heartache and confusion (as she wrestles with knowing her sister’s goodness and good intent) the decision is already complete: Bethany is pregnant. Jenny does not need to judge Bethany. She need only love and support her and her child to the best of her ability. The proclamation is clear that “extended families should lend support when needed” (para. 7). Bethany clearly intends to become a single parent and has begun a long and very difficult path in her life. By doing so she has imposed duties and obligations on all of her loving, extended family.

While we should not shun or judge real people,* who struggle with decisions in less than ideal circumstances, we can identify ideals in theory and seek ways to apply the principles those theories are built upon. Prophets guide us to perfect ideals that bring the greatest joy and happiness so we can work to make our choices reflect those ideals as closely as possible, and maximize our happiness (as well as the happiness of everyone around us).

Jenny must now wrestle with her own beliefs, as she decides if she believes that prophets speak for God, and the words written and taught by prophets in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” are true. Her sister’s actions seem to negate these truths. Bethany is “like a second mother” to her, and Jenny recognizes Bethany’s goodness, righteous goals, and honorable desires. Deciding what she truly believes may be simple for Jenny, or Bethany’s actions may cause Jenny to question many truths as she considers the implications of Bethany’s choice. Jenny must also decide if she believes the words in the proclamation enough to testify of them publicly. If she does she must also consider how to do so without seeming to condemn or condone her sister. (And if she can, might it not be the catalyst to get Bethany to consider the best interests of her child instead of merely her own short-sighted desires to be a mother?)

Jenny may wonder: Do I believe “the Creator’s [has a] plan?” (para. 1) Does Bethany, or any one else, need to make their own “plan?” Can a person have “divine nature and destiny . . . and eternal identity and purpose” (para. 2) if she or he is not married in this life? Are “children entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother . . .?” (para. 7). Is Bethany failing “to fulfill family responsibilities” to her child? Will she “one day stand accountable before God?”

Bethany’s decision is not ideal. Bethany thinks “at last, she [can] be the mother she so [wants] to be,” but she is deceived: she is not part of an eternal family and neither is her child, who will arrive to the love and care of only one parent, without the love and support of a father, or binding eternal ties to him or Bethany. Whatever her own heartaches and desires, has Bethany actually considered that the child she will bear is God’s spirit child who has needs and rights? Has she considered that God’s instructions are intended to help His child have needs met? Has she thought about where the child is coming from and what will happen to the child after this life?

Joseph Smith taught, in the King Follet sermon, “The mind or the intelligence which man possesses is co‐equal [co‐eternal] with God himself. I know that my testimony is true. . . . The intelligence of spirits had no beginning, neither will it have an end. Spirits which existed with God have left the tabernacle of clay only for a little moment, as it were; and they now exist in a place where they converse together the same as we do on the earth. Intelligence is eternal and exists upon a self-existent principle. It is a spirit from age to age and there is no creation about it.”

Bethany has decided to use the “sacred powers of procreation” (para. 4) in her way without consideration to God’s command to employ them only within marriage. (para. 4). Does she think she is wiser than the prophets and even God himself? He wants her and her family to have blessings but she is refusing to receive them in his time and way. She is denying herself and her child happiness that can only be achieved within Heavenly Father’s plan, as he has instructed. Without being part of an eternal family what will become of this child in eternity? Thankfully we can trust God does have a plan and that he will provide for such extenuating circumstances.

If I were Jenny: First I would reply to my sister's email, letting her know I received hers, and let her know I want to support her when she needs help. I would also call our parents and ask their counsel. I would not sponsor a baby shower for her but I would attend one if someone else gave it.

I would give the talk in church, as asked by the Bishop, and try to reassure my parents and the Bishop that I understand the doctrines and principles of the proclamation so that they know I have not become confused by my sister's ill-considered choice. I would clearly outline Heavenly Father's plan for his children and how blessings are only obtained through obedience. Commandments and other counsels from the prophets are the way our loving Father in Heaven tries to help us obtain as much happiness and joy as possible. He knows the way, he has done it Joseph Smith taught, and God wants to guide us, and help us avoid the things that bring sadness or misery.

I know someone that has lived with her boyfriend for more than 20 years. One day she said to me, "you can't tell me the love we share is wrong."

I wanted to share correct principles. As I silently began to pray for help, suddenly there came an answer to mind which taught me an important truth also. I replied, "I won't try to tell you that what you have is 'wrong' BUT I will tell you that God has something more, more blessings and more happiness that you can not have except in eternal marriage." This is the way all the commandments are. God wants to give us more. When we disobey we deny ourselves the blessings of more - more joy!

*We should be very careful about judging others. 

We find the command in Math. 7:1 a Judge not, that ye be not b judged. If we even glance at the footnotes (a rather important process in understanding) we see Joseph Smith's rendering of that verse. 

JST Matt. 7:1–2 Now these are the words which Jesus taught his disciples that they should say unto the people.Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged; but judge righteous judgment.Alma 41:14 (14–15); 3 Ne. 14:1 (1–27);D&C 11:12.

Elder Dalin H Oaks provides a rather amazing and inspiring talk at BYU in 1998 (published Aug 1999 Ensign). He taught about 2 kinds of judgements and helped me understand a lot better.  If Jenny, or anyone, were unkind or unsupportive of her sister (or anyone else), they would likely not be judging righteously, as well as being unforgiving because they would not really be privy to all the facts as Elder Oaks describes. His sixth of seven points says, "Sixth, forgiveness is a companion principle to the commandment that in final judgments we judge not and in intermediate judgments we judge righteously. The Savior taught, “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37). In modern revelation the Lord has declared, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10).